you can never ninja email

Dear BoltBus: I Take it All Back

Nov 29, 07:16 PM

So, I am now on the last leg of my trip back from New York via the hellish contraption that is the MegaBus. I have, in the past, complained about BoltBus, my normal mode of transport for this trip, however, I now take it all back.

The whole extra cramped, overheated, driven by an idiot experience might not have been so bad if it wasn’t for the fact that almost the entire populace of the transport is completely mind-blowingly stupid. Let me explain to you my boarding experience. It began with standing in a line next to the Penn Station Bus Terminal, where they kept telling us to stand against a wall that I was, at that moment, watching numerous homeless dudes piss on.

Then there was the actual people in the line, who only decided that I was standing in the wrong place after the line had moved forward and I had been standing there for 30 minutes. Now keep in mind, this problem they had with me was based on the fact that they desperately, completely wanted to get on the bus first. I am on this bus now and I promise you there is absolutely no reason to get on this bus first or last.

I will tell you a very important secret: There is NO magic seat made of diamonds and gold and comfortable seat cushions aboard the bus. They are all the same seat: ones which I can barely fit in and none of which have working power sockets. Yet this fat lady standing next to me would not shut up about my apparent cutting for about 20 straight minutes, even after I said that I would wait in place while everyone else got on the bus.

In case you are unsure about the level of STUPID displayed by this lady and her family, they proceeded to count out load every time we passed a sign that marked the distance from Baltimore, held annoyingly loud phone conversations, whined when I reclined the chair, etc… etc…. Her husband who, irony of ironies, was sitting next to me for most of this trip spent the entire 5 hours reading Sarah Palin’s autobiography.

This is the honest-to-god truth. I peaked at the book’s content and I am unsure how someone could read it for an hour straight, much less 5, without being a brain-dead clone of a real person. This is not a reflection on her mavrickyness, but on the fact that the book appeared to have been written by an 8-year-old.

Anyway, I only felt a little bad about feeling so good when the annoying fat lady tripped and rolled out, down the stairs, of the bus.

The bus is cramped, overheated, and without working power sockets. You are apparently not allowed to eat food on the bus. It was also crammed full of stupid.

My conclusions? I will never ride the MegaBus again. I swear to god.

posted by: Aram

Comment

1. Interesting — I was considering taking Megabus for a recent trip to NY, but I guess I will stick with Boltbus going forward.

   Also, a few typos, FYI:
   “I peaked at the book’s content” (peeked)
   “down the stairs, of the bus” (off)
   “count out load every time” (loud)

   — Ravi · Nov 29, 08:46 PM · #

Commenting is closed for this article.

Flickring

Listening

Viewing

Reading